Archive for the ‘Personal Development’ Category

Whilst reading, “Why you can’t project your energy online” by Dr Lisa Turner I realised why it is so important for some people to meet face to face.  For me personally it hasn’t been a big issue, in fact I love meeting people online and have great synergies with various people across oceans and continents, where we just click and connect.

Lisa explained that our body language, tone of voice and the way we interact with other people is all part of the bigger picture in us feeling connected and that we feel we don’t really know the person until we meet them face to face.  It is a very interesting read.

It finally made sense to me why most people feel it is so important to meet face to face and why they struggle to understand the concept of networking online and that developing any form of interaction with other human beings seems a foreign concept and is unacceptable.

So basically the need for people to meet face to face makes them feel secure in that they know who that someone is and by meeting face to face you would possibly make a judgement on whether they are acceptable to you, or not, by their behaviour and body language.  But what about people who are really good at what they do but lack social skills?  They don’t necessarily have charisma, don’t have communication skills and rather than attract people they might offend people.

Let’s look at some characters for instance like House on House, Sheldon on The Big Bang Theory, Walter on Fringe, Christina on Greys or Chloe on 24.  All these people are exceptionally good at what they do and if you had to meet them face to face you possibly would not hire them for the job or even add them to your network all because they lack social skills and yet they might be the best person for the job.  I realise these are just TV characters but how many of us can identify with these characters and have actually met people like these in real life?

I know I definitely lack social skills.  I try hard not to be socially weird but the reality is, I am.  I tend to live in a world of my own.  Come across unfriendly at times.  I am blunt.  I say things unintentionally sometimes,  which tends to offend people and I have no idea that I’ve offended them and often I don’t understand what I’ve done wrong and more often than not people have completely misunderstood me.

Is this my fault, or is it their fault?  Actually I would say it is no one’s fault and maybe sometimes we tend to be too over sensitive and too analytic.   Just because someone does not communicate the way we do does this imply that they are rude or offensive or is it perhaps that we need to realise that they may just be on a different wave length and do not have the same social skills that you have.  Take your average so-called “Geeks.”  Although they are brilliant at what they do, they do not necessarily possess good social and communication skills.

Web 2.0 or better known as social media has changed my world.  In yesterday’s world if I started a business it would have been a complete failure because of my lack of social skills, inability to market myself or communicate effectively.   However, in today’s world starting a business is so much easier because in this online world  you can be yourself,  and networking is so much easier.   So, for the Walter’s, Christina’s Chloe’s and Sheldon’s of this world, it creates new opportunities and possibilities.

I’d like to know if there is anyone else out there who feels like I do, considered socially weird or nutty.  I would love to connect with you online.  I know there are many people who are really good at what they do but are often misunderstood for lack of social skills and you know what, you’re my kind of person.    DM me on Twitter @romanythresher or join me on Better Networking and we can be socially weird together.

One of my favourite hobbies is building puzzles.  I can get lost for hours.  I have not done one in a while, this is due to confined space.

Thinking about puzzles and looking at one I had built I could see how people are like puzzle pieces.  Everyone has their place in the world, their fit, their part.  When you build a puzzle you will find pieces which slot in so easily and fit perfectly.  There is a synergy, a spark an instant connection.  When you meet people like these you find you can chat for hours and hours and talk about anything under the sun.  You can even be  apart from these people for long periods of time  and just pick up where you left off.

Then there are puzzle pieces which sort of well they do fit but it took some time to get them to fit.  Perhaps it required a connection of some sort.  These are people you meet, you get on with them and become a part of your network, there is no synergy, you both like each other but the magic is not there.  You keep in touch and you support each other when you can.

Then there are puzzle pieces which don’t fit at all in a section but actually fit somewhere else.  You meet people in your life who you thought you’d get on with but to find out later on that you don’t, you are like oil and water. A lot of the time you end up parting ways and not always in a pleasant way.  It does not make any one individual wrong or a bad person, it just means you don’t fit together as part of a puzzle.

Everyone has a place, a set of friends, a group where they fit in.  We are all connected to each other, but I believe we all have a place where we fit in to make the connections work.  So if there are people who you are not getting on with perhaps your puzzle piece and their puzzle piece just don’t fit.  If you do fit, nuture it, build it and make it flourish.

What are your thoughts?

I have a friend’s whose solution to everything is run, run away from the situation,

•  run away from the problem at hand,
•  ran away rather than dealing with hurting another person,
•  run away before they themselves get hurt, 
•  run away because you are feeling insecure,
•  run away because of something that was said and done
•  Just run, run, run

It is easier to pick up and run than to deal with the emotions.   The only reason my friend has not run away from me is because I won’t let them.

So why do you run?  Is it because you are afraid of being hurt? 

Besides burning bridges, people who run away from others leave behind a trail of hurt, damage and disruption and in many instances with things unresolved and people wondering “what if”, “what happened,” “what did I do” and “what can I do to fix it”?

Coming from a place where I have a step family who I don’t know very well apart from one or two of them and pretty much a place of which my family only consists of my mom and my husband I can see the true value in relationships.  I’ve made it my mission in life to build good solid friendships which I can count and depend upon. 

What I find fascinating with people who keep running away is how they don’t realise what they are doing to themselves and the people they run away from. 

Perhaps the truth is, if you dig deep inside, the relationship you are running away from could possibly not mean all that much to you otherwise you would’ve stuck around to work things out.  So which is it? if that relationship is meaningless then the person you are running from is better off without you.

I’ve been married for 17 years now and in the beginning, well I would say 2 years into our marriage we had some real challenges to a point where we almost got divorced 3 times.  I was rather messed up when my husband found me.  Gosh I’m sure if he knew what he was getting himself into he would’ve run too, but no he did not, he stuck by me.   He taught me how to love.   He helped me heal the damage that was done.  He helped me to rebuild myself and all because he stuck by me.  All because he showed me he cared.  There were times when he himself got frustrated and wanted to run and did a few times but both of learnt great lessons during these times and it was these times that we learnt the true value of our relationship and the value we have to each other.

 True relationships come from working together, helping each other, getting through the rough patches and learning to understand the other person.  Just because you have a misunderstanding, or a tiff or the person was mean to you, is that enough reason to run? 

We all have our bundles of baggage the come with us when we meet someone new.  The challenge is how to work with our baggage and the baggage of the other person.  The challenge is to accept that things may go wrong and that you may not even get on for a while.  The challenge is you have got to stick it out and work at it.

There is no greater feeling than to know someone loves you and that someone actually cares about you.  There is no greater feeling to know you have people you can count on in your time of need.

A job can be lost tomorrow, money can disappear in an instant but the value of true friends and family never go away unless you choose it to.  Yes there are times when some friends or family can do more harm than good, then it is time to walk away but before you do really analyse whether walking away is the right thing to do. 

How do you feel about people who run from their problems?

Do you run from things, if so, why?

I came back today from a very exciting meeting in regards to a joint venture.

I did my usual moves of logging in online and move around the various sites and monitor conversations. I stumbled upon a blog post which was about a colleague of mine who was speaking at an event and was delighted to be a part of this event.

The person who was hosting the event is one of these people which for some reason rubs me the wrong way, my gutt turns each time I come accross his profile but we are in the same industry and being the quiet person I am, often shy and while people think I am extremely confident, I’m actually a very shy person which is extremely challenging when you are trying to build and grow your business.

While reading the post, I felt left behind, I felt that I had missed out on the wave.  I felt frustrated because of my inability to step out and take the plundge.  It’s a deep enormous fear that surrounds me that leaves me paralized, what is this fear?  I would imagine it is fear of rejection really or the fear of making a fool of myself.  Why is this?  Where does this come from? I keep asking myself.  I need to find a solution to this intense fear so that I can soar like an eagle.

What keeps you back, what is the one thing you could change that would make a difference in your life?  I know mine is this big hurdle, the stumbling block that keeps me from being the best I can be.  I have read many books, listened to many people, tried NLP, and I have yet to find the “something” that can help me break through this enormous barrier, something is missing, or I’m just not getting it.

Romany