Archive for the ‘Personal’ Category

People are quite amazed when I tell them how long we’ve been married.  Our marriage like any other is never without its moments where you want to kill, storm off, run away, laugh, cry, emotions up and down but overall I can truly say that we are happy together, friends who have recently spent time with us comment on how happy and in sync we seem together.

One of the things I see often though in relationships and experiencing this myself is how people want to try and change and control the other person.

What stood out most for me in my marriage was the realisation that we are on different journeys.  In other words when you are up, your partner may be down, or maybe your partner is having a run of success where opportunities are going his/her way and you on the other hand, no matter which way you turn it feels like the doors are closing.

In life we are all on different journeys, got different roads to travel and our own destiny to fulfill. What I am saying is that it is impossible for two people to be on the same journey and to be going through the same things.

We may be on the same wavelength or go through something similar but we each have our own lessons to learn and the choices we make determine the outcome.

I think this is why many marriages fail because often we get to a stage in a marriage where you feel alone, or feel that the other person does not understand you.  You feel as if you are on two different planets.

I saw this in my own marriage 3 years ago; I felt as though we had nothing in common.  We were so different, wanting different things.  It came to a point where I wanted to pack my bags and run.  How much though would I be giving up?  I have a wonderful husband who loves me deeply, who looks after me, always there when I need a shoulder to cry on.  He is my best friend, my companion.  So feeling stuck and wondering whether to stick around or run, I looked at everything from a different angle and weighed up my options.  I put a list together of all my husband’s good qualities and thought about a lot of other people I know in relationships who are having a lot of difficulties.

Then it dawned on me, that we were on different roads, different journeys and we will always be.  At some points we will connect but the important part is knowing that you are doing it together and that you have someone to walk along side you when things are good, when things are bad and sometimes when things get ugly.

It is not our job to force another person to walk on our journey with us, it is not our job to change another person to try and make them do what we want. It is our job to love, support, be a companion and be the best we can be and make the most of the journey we are on.

How many years have you been married? and what have you learnt.

I must say 2009 was a year where I worked flat out and I hardly took time off.  December month came and I was convinced that it would be quiet but I was wrong, it was by far my busiest month, so in the end I only managed to take of 2 days.

I’m still trying to take off time here and there to enjoy a bit of the sun and to spend some quality time with hubby but it has not been easy, so my goal for this year is to put people in place so that I too can take some time off.

Someone once told me that your business needs to survive without you, if it cannot then it is not in a good place.  Pondering on this idea, you have to say it does make sense.  So for 2010, this is the plan, to bring my business to a point where it can survive without me.  Also to be able to live 4 months in South Africa and 8 months in the UK.

What are your goals for this year?  By sharing our goals we can help each other to achieve them.