This is the second time I flew SAA.The first time I flew SAA things were stolen from my luggage. They got another chance because it was down to price and length of flight, mainly length of flight.

They have no leniency whatsoever when it comes to baggage allowance, as soon as you are over your allowance they are very quick to charge per kilo extra unlike other airlines. This is the deciding factor that I will never fly SAA again and they have lost a customer.

They did make up for it in the fact that the food was pleasant, the flight staff friendly and helpful and the leg room on the plane was better than most airlines but they fail on having only one TV screen for people to share, this does not bother me so much as I tent to take a sleepling tablet and off I go to club duvet.

Will I fly SAA again? Based on there over strict policy on baggage allowance, my answer is no. This is extremely important to me as a custmer. 20 kg’s on a long haul flight is nothing.

Do you think they listen to their customers in the social media world?

Somehow I don’t think so.

What’s been your experience?

A friend of mine is having a rough time at the moment.  Life sometimes can be tough and push us into a corner were we feel like we just can’t do this anymore.  This is for you, feel inspired, your day will come.  Be strong, and create the life you want.  Make your dreams a reality.

Whilst reading, “Why you can’t project your energy online” by Dr Lisa Turner I realised why it is so important for some people to meet face to face.  For me personally it hasn’t been a big issue, in fact I love meeting people online and have great synergies with various people across oceans and continents, where we just click and connect.

Lisa explained that our body language, tone of voice and the way we interact with other people is all part of the bigger picture in us feeling connected and that we feel we don’t really know the person until we meet them face to face.  It is a very interesting read.

It finally made sense to me why most people feel it is so important to meet face to face and why they struggle to understand the concept of networking online and that developing any form of interaction with other human beings seems a foreign concept and is unacceptable.

So basically the need for people to meet face to face makes them feel secure in that they know who that someone is and by meeting face to face you would possibly make a judgement on whether they are acceptable to you, or not, by their behaviour and body language.  But what about people who are really good at what they do but lack social skills?  They don’t necessarily have charisma, don’t have communication skills and rather than attract people they might offend people.

Let’s look at some characters for instance like House on House, Sheldon on The Big Bang Theory, Walter on Fringe, Christina on Greys or Chloe on 24.  All these people are exceptionally good at what they do and if you had to meet them face to face you possibly would not hire them for the job or even add them to your network all because they lack social skills and yet they might be the best person for the job.  I realise these are just TV characters but how many of us can identify with these characters and have actually met people like these in real life?

I know I definitely lack social skills.  I try hard not to be socially weird but the reality is, I am.  I tend to live in a world of my own.  Come across unfriendly at times.  I am blunt.  I say things unintentionally sometimes,  which tends to offend people and I have no idea that I’ve offended them and often I don’t understand what I’ve done wrong and more often than not people have completely misunderstood me.

Is this my fault, or is it their fault?  Actually I would say it is no one’s fault and maybe sometimes we tend to be too over sensitive and too analytic.   Just because someone does not communicate the way we do does this imply that they are rude or offensive or is it perhaps that we need to realise that they may just be on a different wave length and do not have the same social skills that you have.  Take your average so-called “Geeks.”  Although they are brilliant at what they do, they do not necessarily possess good social and communication skills.

Web 2.0 or better known as social media has changed my world.  In yesterday’s world if I started a business it would have been a complete failure because of my lack of social skills, inability to market myself or communicate effectively.   However, in today’s world starting a business is so much easier because in this online world  you can be yourself,  and networking is so much easier.   So, for the Walter’s, Christina’s Chloe’s and Sheldon’s of this world, it creates new opportunities and possibilities.

I’d like to know if there is anyone else out there who feels like I do, considered socially weird or nutty.  I would love to connect with you online.  I know there are many people who are really good at what they do but are often misunderstood for lack of social skills and you know what, you’re my kind of person.    DM me on Twitter @romanythresher or join me on Better Networking and we can be socially weird together.

One of my favourite hobbies is building puzzles.  I can get lost for hours.  I have not done one in a while, this is due to confined space.

Thinking about puzzles and looking at one I had built I could see how people are like puzzle pieces.  Everyone has their place in the world, their fit, their part.  When you build a puzzle you will find pieces which slot in so easily and fit perfectly.  There is a synergy, a spark an instant connection.  When you meet people like these you find you can chat for hours and hours and talk about anything under the sun.  You can even be  apart from these people for long periods of time  and just pick up where you left off.

Then there are puzzle pieces which sort of well they do fit but it took some time to get them to fit.  Perhaps it required a connection of some sort.  These are people you meet, you get on with them and become a part of your network, there is no synergy, you both like each other but the magic is not there.  You keep in touch and you support each other when you can.

Then there are puzzle pieces which don’t fit at all in a section but actually fit somewhere else.  You meet people in your life who you thought you’d get on with but to find out later on that you don’t, you are like oil and water. A lot of the time you end up parting ways and not always in a pleasant way.  It does not make any one individual wrong or a bad person, it just means you don’t fit together as part of a puzzle.

Everyone has a place, a set of friends, a group where they fit in.  We are all connected to each other, but I believe we all have a place where we fit in to make the connections work.  So if there are people who you are not getting on with perhaps your puzzle piece and their puzzle piece just don’t fit.  If you do fit, nuture it, build it and make it flourish.

What are your thoughts?

I have a friend’s whose solution to everything is run, run away from the situation,

•  run away from the problem at hand,
•  ran away rather than dealing with hurting another person,
•  run away before they themselves get hurt, 
•  run away because you are feeling insecure,
•  run away because of something that was said and done
•  Just run, run, run

It is easier to pick up and run than to deal with the emotions.   The only reason my friend has not run away from me is because I won’t let them.

So why do you run?  Is it because you are afraid of being hurt? 

Besides burning bridges, people who run away from others leave behind a trail of hurt, damage and disruption and in many instances with things unresolved and people wondering “what if”, “what happened,” “what did I do” and “what can I do to fix it”?

Coming from a place where I have a step family who I don’t know very well apart from one or two of them and pretty much a place of which my family only consists of my mom and my husband I can see the true value in relationships.  I’ve made it my mission in life to build good solid friendships which I can count and depend upon. 

What I find fascinating with people who keep running away is how they don’t realise what they are doing to themselves and the people they run away from. 

Perhaps the truth is, if you dig deep inside, the relationship you are running away from could possibly not mean all that much to you otherwise you would’ve stuck around to work things out.  So which is it? if that relationship is meaningless then the person you are running from is better off without you.

I’ve been married for 17 years now and in the beginning, well I would say 2 years into our marriage we had some real challenges to a point where we almost got divorced 3 times.  I was rather messed up when my husband found me.  Gosh I’m sure if he knew what he was getting himself into he would’ve run too, but no he did not, he stuck by me.   He taught me how to love.   He helped me heal the damage that was done.  He helped me to rebuild myself and all because he stuck by me.  All because he showed me he cared.  There were times when he himself got frustrated and wanted to run and did a few times but both of learnt great lessons during these times and it was these times that we learnt the true value of our relationship and the value we have to each other.

 True relationships come from working together, helping each other, getting through the rough patches and learning to understand the other person.  Just because you have a misunderstanding, or a tiff or the person was mean to you, is that enough reason to run? 

We all have our bundles of baggage the come with us when we meet someone new.  The challenge is how to work with our baggage and the baggage of the other person.  The challenge is to accept that things may go wrong and that you may not even get on for a while.  The challenge is you have got to stick it out and work at it.

There is no greater feeling than to know someone loves you and that someone actually cares about you.  There is no greater feeling to know you have people you can count on in your time of need.

A job can be lost tomorrow, money can disappear in an instant but the value of true friends and family never go away unless you choose it to.  Yes there are times when some friends or family can do more harm than good, then it is time to walk away but before you do really analyse whether walking away is the right thing to do. 

How do you feel about people who run from their problems?

Do you run from things, if so, why?

I use to be so proud of our doctors, our hospitals and our system because in South Africa, a citizen could walk into any government hospital and get treatment for free.  You would get all the tests you needed and a doctor would give you an answer.    I’m not knocking the doctors or the nurses, actually I feel sad that they have to work under those conditions.

Sadly I have to say that government hospitals in South Africa are a very sad state of affairs. The government has lots of money to spend on the 2010 Soccor Fifa world cup which has no benefit to the people but they cannot afford to have decent clean hospitals.

I had to go to the hospital earlier so that I could get some treatment.  I was horrified and disgusted as to how bad things have gotten here in South Africa.

The hospital was filthy and smelly even the parking lot at a shopping centre is cleaner than the hospital.  It is so unwelcoming, so dirty. You would get sicker just being in that atmosphere.

I could not bring myself to sit there in that reception room and so I left. Now I have to resort to paying for a private doctor which costs a fortune and I know I will need a certain type of medication which is going to also cost a fortune and I don’t have medical aid because I’m living in the UK.  I was angry and upset because as a decent person I have literally nowhere to go unless I pay an arm and a leg to get decent, clean medical attention.

I said to my assistant that they should have a place for the gomgatte and a separate place for people who are prepared to pay what they can or have a standard rate to have clean and decent hospital service so that someone like me does  not have to sit next to someone who smells of alcohol and urine and who seriously needs a bath.  He said to me “but that would be in violation of human rights, they can’t do that!” even though he agreed with me.  My response was “and so what about my human right!  Just because I don’t have medical aid and lots of money, I have to sit next to someone who hasn’t bathed in weeks, reeks of alcohol, urine and has no self respect to clean themselves.

I went down to the Medi Clinic and it was going to cost a minimum of R2,500 just to do the bare minimum and that is excluding the tests that I know they will insist on me having done.  I’ve had them done in the UK already so I know the drill but at least with the NHS it cost me only £9 to have those very expensive tests.

I’m not being nasty, I’m all for human rights but I have a right too and just because I have  self respect to keep myself clean, and tidy and decent now I have to be subjected to that, “is this fair?”  Why can’t private hospitals open their doors to decent people like us and charge us a rate that is affordable so that we too can have decent treatment.  I would’ve gladly paid R200 even up to R500 which is way more than the UK.

I was moaning about the UK NHS system because it is so slow in getting to see a specialist and I cannot see the reason of having to see a doctor first before going to a specialist.  Now, I am grateful that at least I have that option of being able to have access to the NHS because at least it is decent, clean and I don’t feel out of place.  In South Africa I feel like I’ve entered hobo land when I go to the hospital.

What about my human right?  Surely I have the right to have decent medical service.  What about the South Africans who are decent and have self respect, why should they be subject to smelly!  It seems that decent citizens no longer have a right, a say, a voice?

I came back today from a very exciting meeting in regards to a joint venture.

I did my usual moves of logging in online and move around the various sites and monitor conversations. I stumbled upon a blog post which was about a colleague of mine who was speaking at an event and was delighted to be a part of this event.

The person who was hosting the event is one of these people which for some reason rubs me the wrong way, my gutt turns each time I come accross his profile but we are in the same industry and being the quiet person I am, often shy and while people think I am extremely confident, I’m actually a very shy person which is extremely challenging when you are trying to build and grow your business.

While reading the post, I felt left behind, I felt that I had missed out on the wave.  I felt frustrated because of my inability to step out and take the plundge.  It’s a deep enormous fear that surrounds me that leaves me paralized, what is this fear?  I would imagine it is fear of rejection really or the fear of making a fool of myself.  Why is this?  Where does this come from? I keep asking myself.  I need to find a solution to this intense fear so that I can soar like an eagle.

What keeps you back, what is the one thing you could change that would make a difference in your life?  I know mine is this big hurdle, the stumbling block that keeps me from being the best I can be.  I have read many books, listened to many people, tried NLP, and I have yet to find the “something” that can help me break through this enormous barrier, something is missing, or I’m just not getting it.

Romany

People are quite amazed when I tell them how long we’ve been married.  Our marriage like any other is never without its moments where you want to kill, storm off, run away, laugh, cry, emotions up and down but overall I can truly say that we are happy together, friends who have recently spent time with us comment on how happy and in sync we seem together.

One of the things I see often though in relationships and experiencing this myself is how people want to try and change and control the other person.

What stood out most for me in my marriage was the realisation that we are on different journeys.  In other words when you are up, your partner may be down, or maybe your partner is having a run of success where opportunities are going his/her way and you on the other hand, no matter which way you turn it feels like the doors are closing.

In life we are all on different journeys, got different roads to travel and our own destiny to fulfill. What I am saying is that it is impossible for two people to be on the same journey and to be going through the same things.

We may be on the same wavelength or go through something similar but we each have our own lessons to learn and the choices we make determine the outcome.

I think this is why many marriages fail because often we get to a stage in a marriage where you feel alone, or feel that the other person does not understand you.  You feel as if you are on two different planets.

I saw this in my own marriage 3 years ago; I felt as though we had nothing in common.  We were so different, wanting different things.  It came to a point where I wanted to pack my bags and run.  How much though would I be giving up?  I have a wonderful husband who loves me deeply, who looks after me, always there when I need a shoulder to cry on.  He is my best friend, my companion.  So feeling stuck and wondering whether to stick around or run, I looked at everything from a different angle and weighed up my options.  I put a list together of all my husband’s good qualities and thought about a lot of other people I know in relationships who are having a lot of difficulties.

Then it dawned on me, that we were on different roads, different journeys and we will always be.  At some points we will connect but the important part is knowing that you are doing it together and that you have someone to walk along side you when things are good, when things are bad and sometimes when things get ugly.

It is not our job to force another person to walk on our journey with us, it is not our job to change another person to try and make them do what we want. It is our job to love, support, be a companion and be the best we can be and make the most of the journey we are on.

How many years have you been married? and what have you learnt.

I must say 2009 was a year where I worked flat out and I hardly took time off.  December month came and I was convinced that it would be quiet but I was wrong, it was by far my busiest month, so in the end I only managed to take of 2 days.

I’m still trying to take off time here and there to enjoy a bit of the sun and to spend some quality time with hubby but it has not been easy, so my goal for this year is to put people in place so that I too can take some time off.

Someone once told me that your business needs to survive without you, if it cannot then it is not in a good place.  Pondering on this idea, you have to say it does make sense.  So for 2010, this is the plan, to bring my business to a point where it can survive without me.  Also to be able to live 4 months in South Africa and 8 months in the UK.

What are your goals for this year?  By sharing our goals we can help each other to achieve them.

If there was one thing I wish I had learnt when I was young was this easy way to understand goals and how to use it effectively.  Out of all the books I’ve read regarding personal development and goal setting, one book that explains it the best is The Flight Plan by Brian Tracy.  It was like the lights went on and somebody was home.

Firstly, you need to decide what it is you want from life, if you could live your dream life what would it be?  What career or work would you do?  Where would you live, what house would you have, what car would you drive, what lifestyle would you be living?  What type of friends would you have, what salary would you earn, etc., and then look at how you are going to achieve this? Think of your life like you would a business plan.  In a business plan you need your mission statement, you need to know what exactly it is you want to do and achieve, how much capital you would need, who are the key members of your business what their roles are. How any staff you would need, training, equipment and you would do the sums and so on.  Now think of your life in this way.

Example, and this is just a rough example to give you an idea:

Let’s say if you had your dream life you would have a 3 bedroom home by the sea, you would be driving a Mercedes X, you would want to earn £80,000 pa and you would want to work with animals because you just have a passion for animals.  You want to be around people who add value to your life and so on.

Knowing this information can be life changing and this is why:

Now you can focus and you have a bit more clarity. And clarity:

• Eliminates confusion
• Helps you be more decisive
• Prevents you from making the wrong choices

Let’s look at this goal. Now it is time to decide – at this point of time in your life and looking at this goal – what the most important thing to do right now would be.  Let’s say it is getting a job to pay the bills. Ok, so what type of job are you going to get? Again, look at your goal.  Maybe you want to try and get a job working with animals.  Let’s say this is not possible because you don’t have the education or because there are no jobs like that in the area where you live.  So you can either decide to move to an area where there are jobs like this or you can decide that for now you will get a job to pay the bills, but you are going to do some volunteer work on weekends working with animals, or find a course you can do to get that education.

Are you getting the picture?  So, whenever you are faced with a setback or you need to make a decision, look at your goal and ask yourself  “Is this taking me closer to my goal or is it moving me away from my goal?” 9 times out of 10 you will then make the right decision based on what you want from your life.

Let’s say you are struggling with people in your life who are pulling you down or are not good for you. Again, ask youself, “are these people adding value to my life?”, “are they taking me closer to my goal or moving me away from my goal?”, and this should help you get perspecitve and help you make those tough decisions that are not always pleasant but necessary.

Lastly, make a commitment to take at least an hour each day to do one thing that will help you to get to your goal. If, for example, you want to have fancy things, but you are useless at managing your money, then, perhaps, you need to learn about managing your finances better. You can  also do a course or read books that will help you with it.