I have a friend’s whose solution to everything is run, run away from the situation,

•  run away from the problem at hand,
•  ran away rather than dealing with hurting another person,
•  run away before they themselves get hurt, 
•  run away because you are feeling insecure,
•  run away because of something that was said and done
•  Just run, run, run

It is easier to pick up and run than to deal with the emotions.   The only reason my friend has not run away from me is because I won’t let them.

So why do you run?  Is it because you are afraid of being hurt? 

Besides burning bridges, people who run away from others leave behind a trail of hurt, damage and disruption and in many instances with things unresolved and people wondering “what if”, “what happened,” “what did I do” and “what can I do to fix it”?

Coming from a place where I have a step family who I don’t know very well apart from one or two of them and pretty much a place of which my family only consists of my mom and my husband I can see the true value in relationships.  I’ve made it my mission in life to build good solid friendships which I can count and depend upon. 

What I find fascinating with people who keep running away is how they don’t realise what they are doing to themselves and the people they run away from. 

Perhaps the truth is, if you dig deep inside, the relationship you are running away from could possibly not mean all that much to you otherwise you would’ve stuck around to work things out.  So which is it? if that relationship is meaningless then the person you are running from is better off without you.

I’ve been married for 17 years now and in the beginning, well I would say 2 years into our marriage we had some real challenges to a point where we almost got divorced 3 times.  I was rather messed up when my husband found me.  Gosh I’m sure if he knew what he was getting himself into he would’ve run too, but no he did not, he stuck by me.   He taught me how to love.   He helped me heal the damage that was done.  He helped me to rebuild myself and all because he stuck by me.  All because he showed me he cared.  There were times when he himself got frustrated and wanted to run and did a few times but both of learnt great lessons during these times and it was these times that we learnt the true value of our relationship and the value we have to each other.

 True relationships come from working together, helping each other, getting through the rough patches and learning to understand the other person.  Just because you have a misunderstanding, or a tiff or the person was mean to you, is that enough reason to run? 

We all have our bundles of baggage the come with us when we meet someone new.  The challenge is how to work with our baggage and the baggage of the other person.  The challenge is to accept that things may go wrong and that you may not even get on for a while.  The challenge is you have got to stick it out and work at it.

There is no greater feeling than to know someone loves you and that someone actually cares about you.  There is no greater feeling to know you have people you can count on in your time of need.

A job can be lost tomorrow, money can disappear in an instant but the value of true friends and family never go away unless you choose it to.  Yes there are times when some friends or family can do more harm than good, then it is time to walk away but before you do really analyse whether walking away is the right thing to do. 

How do you feel about people who run from their problems?

Do you run from things, if so, why?

I use to be so proud of our doctors, our hospitals and our system because in South Africa, a citizen could walk into any government hospital and get treatment for free.  You would get all the tests you needed and a doctor would give you an answer.    I’m not knocking the doctors or the nurses, actually I feel sad that they have to work under those conditions.

Sadly I have to say that government hospitals in South Africa are a very sad state of affairs. The government has lots of money to spend on the 2010 Soccor Fifa world cup which has no benefit to the people but they cannot afford to have decent clean hospitals.

I had to go to the hospital earlier so that I could get some treatment.  I was horrified and disgusted as to how bad things have gotten here in South Africa.

The hospital was filthy and smelly even the parking lot at a shopping centre is cleaner than the hospital.  It is so unwelcoming, so dirty. You would get sicker just being in that atmosphere.

I could not bring myself to sit there in that reception room and so I left. Now I have to resort to paying for a private doctor which costs a fortune and I know I will need a certain type of medication which is going to also cost a fortune and I don’t have medical aid because I’m living in the UK.  I was angry and upset because as a decent person I have literally nowhere to go unless I pay an arm and a leg to get decent, clean medical attention.

I said to my assistant that they should have a place for the gomgatte and a separate place for people who are prepared to pay what they can or have a standard rate to have clean and decent hospital service so that someone like me does  not have to sit next to someone who smells of alcohol and urine and who seriously needs a bath.  He said to me “but that would be in violation of human rights, they can’t do that!” even though he agreed with me.  My response was “and so what about my human right!  Just because I don’t have medical aid and lots of money, I have to sit next to someone who hasn’t bathed in weeks, reeks of alcohol, urine and has no self respect to clean themselves.

I went down to the Medi Clinic and it was going to cost a minimum of R2,500 just to do the bare minimum and that is excluding the tests that I know they will insist on me having done.  I’ve had them done in the UK already so I know the drill but at least with the NHS it cost me only £9 to have those very expensive tests.

I’m not being nasty, I’m all for human rights but I have a right too and just because I have  self respect to keep myself clean, and tidy and decent now I have to be subjected to that, “is this fair?”  Why can’t private hospitals open their doors to decent people like us and charge us a rate that is affordable so that we too can have decent treatment.  I would’ve gladly paid R200 even up to R500 which is way more than the UK.

I was moaning about the UK NHS system because it is so slow in getting to see a specialist and I cannot see the reason of having to see a doctor first before going to a specialist.  Now, I am grateful that at least I have that option of being able to have access to the NHS because at least it is decent, clean and I don’t feel out of place.  In South Africa I feel like I’ve entered hobo land when I go to the hospital.

What about my human right?  Surely I have the right to have decent medical service.  What about the South Africans who are decent and have self respect, why should they be subject to smelly!  It seems that decent citizens no longer have a right, a say, a voice?

I came back today from a very exciting meeting in regards to a joint venture.

I did my usual moves of logging in online and move around the various sites and monitor conversations. I stumbled upon a blog post which was about a colleague of mine who was speaking at an event and was delighted to be a part of this event.

The person who was hosting the event is one of these people which for some reason rubs me the wrong way, my gutt turns each time I come accross his profile but we are in the same industry and being the quiet person I am, often shy and while people think I am extremely confident, I’m actually a very shy person which is extremely challenging when you are trying to build and grow your business.

While reading the post, I felt left behind, I felt that I had missed out on the wave.  I felt frustrated because of my inability to step out and take the plundge.  It’s a deep enormous fear that surrounds me that leaves me paralized, what is this fear?  I would imagine it is fear of rejection really or the fear of making a fool of myself.  Why is this?  Where does this come from? I keep asking myself.  I need to find a solution to this intense fear so that I can soar like an eagle.

What keeps you back, what is the one thing you could change that would make a difference in your life?  I know mine is this big hurdle, the stumbling block that keeps me from being the best I can be.  I have read many books, listened to many people, tried NLP, and I have yet to find the “something” that can help me break through this enormous barrier, something is missing, or I’m just not getting it.

Romany

People are quite amazed when I tell them how long we’ve been married.  Our marriage like any other is never without its moments where you want to kill, storm off, run away, laugh, cry, emotions up and down but overall I can truly say that we are happy together, friends who have recently spent time with us comment on how happy and in sync we seem together.

One of the things I see often though in relationships and experiencing this myself is how people want to try and change and control the other person.

What stood out most for me in my marriage was the realisation that we are on different journeys.  In other words when you are up, your partner may be down, or maybe your partner is having a run of success where opportunities are going his/her way and you on the other hand, no matter which way you turn it feels like the doors are closing.

In life we are all on different journeys, got different roads to travel and our own destiny to fulfill. What I am saying is that it is impossible for two people to be on the same journey and to be going through the same things.

We may be on the same wavelength or go through something similar but we each have our own lessons to learn and the choices we make determine the outcome.

I think this is why many marriages fail because often we get to a stage in a marriage where you feel alone, or feel that the other person does not understand you.  You feel as if you are on two different planets.

I saw this in my own marriage 3 years ago; I felt as though we had nothing in common.  We were so different, wanting different things.  It came to a point where I wanted to pack my bags and run.  How much though would I be giving up?  I have a wonderful husband who loves me deeply, who looks after me, always there when I need a shoulder to cry on.  He is my best friend, my companion.  So feeling stuck and wondering whether to stick around or run, I looked at everything from a different angle and weighed up my options.  I put a list together of all my husband’s good qualities and thought about a lot of other people I know in relationships who are having a lot of difficulties.

Then it dawned on me, that we were on different roads, different journeys and we will always be.  At some points we will connect but the important part is knowing that you are doing it together and that you have someone to walk along side you when things are good, when things are bad and sometimes when things get ugly.

It is not our job to force another person to walk on our journey with us, it is not our job to change another person to try and make them do what we want. It is our job to love, support, be a companion and be the best we can be and make the most of the journey we are on.

How many years have you been married? and what have you learnt.